Death, Children and a Tribute to Dad

Over the past little while we have experienced alot of death in our family. And it has been the hardest thing to deal with let alone try to explain to my 4 year old son what is happening.

I have tried to be as honest as possible without scaring him. I think the sooner he understands what it is and why it happens the sooner he'll be able to cope with it. 

I know from experience that not talking about it or dealing with questions when they arise, lead to bigger psychology problems in the long run. I know one of my friends never let her children go to funerals at all, until they lost their dad. That was the first time they ever experienced a funeral and I think that it was ALOT to take in for children so young. I too felt the same way. I never wanted my  son to have experience that either but because we have lost immediate family members there was no-one to stay at home with him while we went to the funeral. So I allowed him to go with us but did not allow him to "view." I explained as simply as I could why so and so had passed away. ( I still think that my technique needs a little help.) But he did seem to understand. (as best as child his age could.)

Dealing with death is hard, even for us as adults, so you can imagine how hard it is to understand when you are that young. I think having our children involved in preparation helps (if they are older). When I think of my own personal experience with loosing my dad at the age of 10 I still did not grasp the concept. For me it was like he had taken one of his many business trips. I pushed it out my mind. I never dealt with it. I hardly cried and I NEVER spoke about him. My siblings and I did not have any part in  his funeral so in essence we actually did not get to say goodbye. Only years later did I realise that had I spoken about it, had people not made it seem like he had never existed, had we had a part in his funeral then all those things would've made the healing process so much easier. 

Today it has been 17 years without my dad, and I miss so much everyday. At least now my family have learned to speak about him, have shared their memories with us (and still do every chance we get together.) And I am so grateful for it.

So my advise to all parents out there is TALK. Explain as best as you can and in as much detail as you feel is appropriate for your child. Don't make it a taboo subject in life because believe it or not it is THE ONLY GUARENTEE in life.

In closing I would like to post a poem in remembrance of my daddy Norman Patrick Johnson.

XoXo  T

*Accrediation (The Poem Broken Chain) Ron Tranmer http://www.rontranmer.com/

The Weight Debate

I never thought that this would be a particular subject I would write about. But that was until my 4 year old son recently started developing "weight issues." And not in the sense that you may think... He is not overweight, if anything I think he's too skinny. (Well in my opinion anyway.)

I started noticing a change in his eating habits. When we would drop him off at nursery school in the mornings he would say "Mommy don't put alot of cereal for me." Then he started coming home not having ate his lunch. At first I didn't take too much notice of it. I'm of the mind that if you are hungry, you will eat. Then one day he lifted my top up and said "Mommy you have 2 slices." He then went on to say "If I eat too much I will be fat and then I won't be able to run fast." And this is when the red flag shot up.

I recently had a conversation with one of the mom's at the school who also happens to be one of my close friends and I realised that her daughter was being teased and picked on because of her weight. ( I mean these are 4 year olds!!!! Weight should not even be an issue.) My son and her are quite good friends and they sit and eat lunch together everyday. Clearly the other children were making mean and nasty comments and this was/is affecting both children.

I am so upset by this because this is something that children of this age should really not be vibing on. And I blame us, the parents. We make weight such an issue in our everyday lives. (We may not realise it but we do.) And in turn our children are going back and relaying these messages to each other. The sad thing is they do not have the slightest clue that what they are saying or doing is having a negative effect on the other children.

I have had meetings with the teacher and even spoken to the other parents. I know alot of people are of the mind that if it is not affecting their child/ren, or if they have not said anything then it's not a problem or it's not their problem. But this is ALL of our problem.

We as parents are there to teach our children what is right or wrong. Why does being "different" have to be perceived as a negative thing?

I am taking a responsible stand and teaching my son that there is NOTHING wrong with being different or even fat. God made us all in different shapes, sizes and colours. We should love and respect each other no matter what.

Xenophobia-The Ugly Monster

This post is a very sensitive one and I do appologise if some people feel offended and if I come across as too angry. (These are not my intentions at all). My intention is to bring awareness and ultimately affect change.

You know how we all ALWAYS have an opinion on something regardless of the situation? (Come on you know we do.) Hell I myself had an opinion on this topic until it literally happened on my front door.)

Never have I been more ashamed and embarrassed to call myself a South African than I did in the past 3 weeks. I remember I was in my bathroom on one Friday night when I heard screaming and shortly after that gunshots. (Now needless to say that I live in a complex and where the front gate is to my flat is the equivalent of 2 streets difference.) So you can just imagine how hectic things must've been for me to hear all that from such a distance.

There is a very busy, long main road where I live and most of the businesses on this road are foreign owned. It's not something that I've ever taken notice of because this is South Africa afterall, the "rainbow nation." I have grown up in diversity, my own family is diverse themselves. But believe it or not every single foreign owned shop was closed for about 4 days because people feared for their lives. Our whole community was brought to a standstill.

The only time I noticed how serious the problem was, was when the gunshots happened. (My own ignorance, I know.) But now that I am aware of the problem I would like to be a part of the solution.

It seems to me South Africans have forgotten that just 21 years ago were experienced apartheid. We were treated differently for our skin colours, we had to go to other countries to seek refuge. And now when other people (from THOSE very countries that we seeked refuge, might I add) have come into to our country seeking the same we treat them like animals?! We burn them and beat them just because they are from another country?! Are we not ALL HUMAN first? Do we all NOT bleed the SAME colour blood. Where does this hatred stem from? Are we going to start picking each other apart because we walk differently or eat different foods too? Where will we draw the line? Why does hatred have to continue from generation to generation? What EXAMPLE are we setting for our youth?

I recently read a story in the North Eastern Tribune where an eleven year old Zimbabwean boy wrote an open letter. It tore my heart apart. This little boy was even too scared to go and play outside because he did not want people to know that he is from Zimbabwe. Should an eleven year old be worried about things like that? NO!!!!

Our South Africans are complaining that the foreign nationals are "stealing their jobs." Yet ALOT of thoaw foreign nationals have started their own businesses and are creating job opportunities. ALOT of them are adding value to our economy. Yet we go and ransack their shops!!!! Are we just looking for "freebies?"

NEVER condemn anyone for trying to make a better life themselves. We should be lifting each other up and NOT tearing each other down. I DO NOT want my son to grow up in a country where every little thing is determined by the colour of his skin and where he comes from. Give credit where credit is due people. We could learn a thing or two from people who are coming from war areas and bettering themselves.

Book Club Corner - Carole Matthews "The Only Way is Up"

Every so often I come across a great read, so I've decided to call this the "Book Club Corner." Its a place where we can review our favourite books and authors.

As you guys know last year I re-joined the library and boy am I glad I did because it has allowed me to get in touch with my first love...reading.

My first book review was Mike Gayle's "Turning 30". You guys did read it right? If not please do I promise you, you will be pleasantly surprised.

My latest great find has got to be Carole Matthews' "The Only Way is Up." It's a riches to rags story. It talks about how loosing everything can show you all you've really been missing in life.

I could sort of relate to this book because when my dad was still alive we lived a really comfortable life but when he died we lost everything. When you have it all you never ever think about what life is like till the shoe is on the other foot.

This book is such a heart wrenching and heart warming one. It crosses neighborhoods, colour and lifestyles.

Once again I loved the book for the short chapters (time is of the essence, tick-tock, tick-tock.) I loved how the wife "Lily" stands by her man's side when they loose everything. She is a strong woman who does everything to support her family and keep a roof (although its not THE roof) over their heads. She learns how to do things she has never done before. She embraces their situation and makes the best out of what life has thrown their way.

I am a little bit upset about the turn that she does take for a split second. ( I didn't see it coming.) She lets her guard down and sees if the grass is greener on the other side. But she quickly comes to her senses and everything goes back to how it's supposed to be.

I love how black and white come together. How skin colour means nothing when we are all in the "same boat." How easily true friends are formed over adverse situations and how quickly fake one's are broken because of them. I loved the family dynamic to it. After all there is nothing more important in this world than one's family.

All in all it was a great read and I ABSOLUTELY cannot wait for my next dose of Carole Matthews.

*Accreditation to @mikegayle - www.mikegayle.co.uk
*Accreditation to @carolmatthews - www.carolematthews.com