My C-Section Story

So April is C-Section Awareness month, so I thought I would share my C-Section story.

Never in a million years did I think I would have a C-Section. I did all the research I needed in order to have a normal, natural birth. Hell I even listened to as many horror stories as I could, from every woman that I knew who had given natural birrh, just so that I could some way prepare myself mentally for the journey.

But funny no-one ever mentioned C-Section, no-one. So for me it wasn't even an option, it didn't even feature. But a whole 4 weeks before my due-date, due to me getting very upset at work, my placenta ruptured. But still I didn't think that I would have my baby. I had no pain, just a whole lot of blood loss. Yet I still kept my cool. I just thought that I'd go to hospital, they would somehow stop the bleeding and I would be on my way home.

But boy was I in for a rude awakening. The minute I heard the words C-Section I started flipping. But I had to get myself together real fast. I had a baby coming, who I wasn't even completely ready for. The clothes weren't ready, the crib wasn't put up, nothing.  Hell I hadn't even packed a bag yet. I mean I still had 4 weeks to prepare. But as soon as I realized that this was really happening here and now, I just pulled myself towards myself and found one focal point, and focused on that.

I remember hearing how horrible an epidural was, and how long and big the need was but still I persevered. And then I could feel them touching my stomach and I nearly flipped again. I was like "I can still feel everything." But the doctors assured me that although I would feel pressure, I wouldn't feel pain. You know me with my over-active imagination, I was just picturing in my head (because of course you can't see anything) what was going on.

All the while I was holding my breath, waiting for that sound that would tell me everything was alright. And then it happened.... My son came into the world and let out the most beautiful sound I had ever heard, he cried. And all of a sudden I started crying (yes, just like you see in the movies).

I was overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude. And then I was overwhelmed by a feeling of fear (I mean I was officially the mother of a living, breathing human being). This tiny person would be wholly dependent on me. What did I know about being a mother?

Fast forward to the next day and I remember my mom's words of advise. Walk as soon as you can so that you can leave quicker. So that's what I did. I walked ALOT. (as painful as it was I did it) And I remember thinking I'm going to be out of here in no time, and back at home with my husband's help and mom's help.

Again my excitement was short lived. Due to having lost so much blood I had to have a blood transfusion. I remember watching woman come and have their babies and leave and there I still was. 4 days after giving birth I was finally allowed to go home and a week later I had my staples removed.

I think only after that did I realise how serious of an operation a C-Section actually is. Because it is just that, an operation, which comes with its' own set of complications as well.

I am just grateful that everything went off well. But looking back even today (as the mother of an almost 6 year old) I would still have chosen to given natural birth if I could.

Hopefully next time around that is the route I can take because I am totally all for VBAC (vaginal birth after C-Section.)

So ladies do as much research as you can on both forms of delivery and then make your choice based on the pro's and con's.

XOXO T.

*Accreditation: http://www.whathealth.com/awareness/event/cesareanawarenessmonth.html

The Step Parent Debate

So something alot of you may not know about me is that I am a stepmom. I know, crazy right?! I never ever thought that I would be a step-parent. When you think of getting married, you never ever stop to think that you may marry someone who already has kids.

Ours is definitely not the conventional story. (but that's something we will get into some other time.) I will say that I never ever really involved myself with my husband and his ex. I felt like it was never my place to interfere and that it was his situation to deal with not ours. I never wanted to cross that invisible boundary line. I mean I felt like (at that time) I wouldn't want some other person giving their two cents worth when it came to raising my child, so I just didn't say or do anything.

As I'm sure is true with alot of people who are in the same situation, there is no real right or wrong answer. What works for one family may not work for another.

When I eventually decided to stop being a bystander and get involved, let's just say it has NOT been a pleasant situation to say the least.

But through this on-going process I have learned so much about myself, and learned how (God forbid I should find myself in the same position one day) to behave.

My biggest mistake I made was to not be involved from day one.  As a new person coming into a situation, and especially as the new wife, I feel you need to let your presence be known as well as your role. If the ex is a person you can actually talk to you should get together and have an open discussion as to your common goal (the child's welfare). I think once you have established your position in the family dynamic the chances of you moving forward,successfully are much higher.

Alot of time the ex wants to be spiteful. And honestly speaking (in a way at least) I can understand why. I mean you are hurt, your family has been broken up and now there's a new person that has come into the picture and is now living "your " life. But you cannot be bitter forever. Yes we all get married with the intention of it lasting forever, but unfortunately sometimes it just doesn't always work out that way. The quicker you come to face the reality of the situation the sooner you will have peace and harmony in your life.

I have tried on many, many occassions to have decent, adult conversations with the ex, but unfortunately to date she still has not dealt with her anger and loss of the relationship, and I think me involving myself now (so late) has actually made things worse and not better.

But I am a mom and I know that as a mother I only want the best for my child. Regardless if is not what I want but as long as it benefits my child, and teaches my child how to be a better person (afterall we are the first examples in life that out children follow) then I'm down for it.

For now while we still battle everyday to be involved and have a happy, healthy relationship with the child, I just want to let the ex know: I am not a monster. Nor am I the enemy. I, as you, only want what's best for your child.

Sound off in the comments section to let me know how step parenting debacle is going.

Xoxo T

For The Love of Justice Part 2

So a year ago (almost to the date) I did a post called "For The Love of Justice."

Would you believe over the past year I have heard so many stories about fathers fighting the justice system, trying to get to see their kids, trying to be involved in their children's lives, even fighting for maintenance.It has shocked me to say the least.

Just like how everything else in life has evolved so have the roles of fathers. Fathers are no longer those people that just sit on the side lines and watch from a distance. Nope. These 21st century dad's are just as involved as the mothers. Hell some of them are playing both mom and dad. Yes I know that alot of woman have been doing it for years and that I am not accrediting them for it but this side of the spectrum is for those unheard voices. Woman we are lucky that law in most countries around the world were designed to protect us, because let's face it, for a long time alot of men ran from their responsibilities.

But with times changing and men becoming active fathers, should our laws not be changed and designed to meet these new roles?

People stood up and fought for woman's right. People stood up and fought for racism to end. People stood up and fought for the right to vote (and the list goes on and on). But why are we all not standing up to fight for the men that do want to be full time dads? Why are we always (especially as woman) so ready to stand by our girlfriends and back them up when they need to go claim for maintenance, but no-one wants to hear the father's plight?

I recently heard a story about a father that was raising his twin boys and whose mother did not give them any financial assistance. Now had this been a mother who was raising her twin sons and the father was not paying maintenance all it would take would be one visit to the courthouse and the father's salary would be garnished for the funds. But unfortunately because the way our justice system is designed he has to continually go to court to get some sort of compensation, which till today has headed no results.

Another story I heard was of a man who had been paying maintenance for his 2 children for the past 6 years. Upon pursuing paternity results (which took over a year to get a court order to summons the woman for the tests) it was found that he was not the father of any of the children. What became of all the money that he had spent on the children? Nothing. Had it been the other way round the man would've immediately been summons to pay all arrears or go to jail.

And the stories continue.

I am living for the day when our laws are changed, hell I want to be a part of that change. I'm even thinking of starting some sort of organisation.

If there is any dad's out there who are going through similar circumstances, please do sound off in the comments or mail me your story. These men are real people, with real feelings, who also deserve a voice and a chance to be heard and seen.

Xoxo T