Death, Children and a Tribute to Dad

Over the past little while we have experienced alot of death in our family. And it has been the hardest thing to deal with let alone try to explain to my 4 year old son what is happening.

I have tried to be as honest as possible without scaring him. I think the sooner he understands what it is and why it happens the sooner he'll be able to cope with it. 

I know from experience that not talking about it or dealing with questions when they arise, lead to bigger psychology problems in the long run. I know one of my friends never let her children go to funerals at all, until they lost their dad. That was the first time they ever experienced a funeral and I think that it was ALOT to take in for children so young. I too felt the same way. I never wanted my  son to have experience that either but because we have lost immediate family members there was no-one to stay at home with him while we went to the funeral. So I allowed him to go with us but did not allow him to "view." I explained as simply as I could why so and so had passed away. ( I still think that my technique needs a little help.) But he did seem to understand. (as best as child his age could.)

Dealing with death is hard, even for us as adults, so you can imagine how hard it is to understand when you are that young. I think having our children involved in preparation helps (if they are older). When I think of my own personal experience with loosing my dad at the age of 10 I still did not grasp the concept. For me it was like he had taken one of his many business trips. I pushed it out my mind. I never dealt with it. I hardly cried and I NEVER spoke about him. My siblings and I did not have any part in  his funeral so in essence we actually did not get to say goodbye. Only years later did I realise that had I spoken about it, had people not made it seem like he had never existed, had we had a part in his funeral then all those things would've made the healing process so much easier. 

Today it has been 17 years without my dad, and I miss so much everyday. At least now my family have learned to speak about him, have shared their memories with us (and still do every chance we get together.) And I am so grateful for it.

So my advise to all parents out there is TALK. Explain as best as you can and in as much detail as you feel is appropriate for your child. Don't make it a taboo subject in life because believe it or not it is THE ONLY GUARENTEE in life.

In closing I would like to post a poem in remembrance of my daddy Norman Patrick Johnson.

XoXo  T

*Accrediation (The Poem Broken Chain) Ron Tranmer http://www.rontranmer.com/