The Pursuit of Happiness

I recently watched the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" (again) and there's nothing like watching a meaningful movie to help put some ish into perspective.

It just reminded me that no matter your age, colour or circumstance you can still be and do anything.

I am amazed by the fact that President Thomas Jefferson got it right the first time, because in the Declaration of Independence he actually stated "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness." Even he knew and understood one of the most basic human needs: Happiness.

We are always searching for that something/someone that can make us happy. But what I've learnt in life that just like all other feelings, happiness is not a constant. (Although I'm sure we all would love it to be, myself especially.) It's just a moment in time and sometimes (if we are lucky) it lasts just a little longer than that.

I'm the kind of girl that appreciates the simple things in life. My idea of happiness comes in the smallest forms like finally getting into bed at the end of a long, tedious day. Sometimes just having a good conversation with one of my friends does the trick. Reading a good book is definitely up there or even (just as he did the other day) when my husband turns and looks at me and says for no apparent reason "I'm proud of you." Happiness for me is when my son looks into to my eyes and says "Mom you're the best."

There was nothing more rewarding about that film than seeing a father's love for his son. The fact that he changed the stereotype of black men (or should I say men in general) do not live for their kids. When the going got tough he stuck around and chased after his dream (literally.)

The movie portrayed so many of our lives today. Rushing to and from work. Rushing to take and pick up our kids from school and struggling to make ends meet.

Even in the movie it shows that one moment in time when Chris was happy...when he was awarded the job.

The blatant truthfulness of the movie was so refreshing in a world that is just full of fakeness. Thank you Chris Gardner for sharing your story with the world. Thank you for the reminder that no matter what our circumstances may be there is still sunshine after rain and that we should grab our moment of happiness with both hands and embrace it.

So...

For the love of Justice

It's been a minute (or more...lol) since I have written. Life has just gotten really busy, really quick. But here I sit, writing about a topic that I feel is something alot of people go through but never talk about, and more people are going through it than we can ever imagine, but it's also a topic that alot of people don't take note of until they are in the situation. This is how the "story" goes...:

*Michael had a one night stand with *Samantha. Five months later *Samantha told *Michael she was pregnant. *Michael wanted to do the right thing and be there for both of them. Two years later *Samantha is pregnant again and *Michael decides to marry her. In the mean while alot of people that they both know keep telling *Michael that the first child is not his, that *Samantha has been cheating on him all the while, and that she was with another man around the time of conception. *Michael does not believe them or try to find out if it is true or not. However 3 months after marraige *Michael realises that he got married for the wrong reasons and that it is not working out and decides to leave. The divorce is a long, drawn out one and finally 2 years later it is finalised. *Michael then decides it is time to find out the truth if the children are indeed his or not. He goes to court and all the courts are worried about is if he does/doesn't make child support payments, they do not try to assist with regards to paternity. He keeps on going to court however has no success. He eventually decides to hire an attorney (which costs him thousands of Rands). In the interim *Samantha has moved and the children have started schooling. She does not allow *Michael to see the children and she does not advise him where she lives and works. It takes alot of time, effort and money to locate her whereabouts and he eventually, successfully does. Time comes to go to court to be appointed a suitable time and date to have paternity testing done, however the court documents disappear. *Michael is now back to square one...

I know this "story" sounds far-fetched but believe it or not it is a true one. After hearing about this story I decided to do a bit of research with regards to the law of my country, South Africa, and in it I discovered that our law ONLY supports the mothers in this country. Father's are basically only there to pay the bills. As having a lawyer is SO expensive alot of people go to the courts on their own to get assistance and advice. But as a lot of things in our country, it is a very long, slow procedure. Alot of men spend months on end going back and forth to and from court. (which by the way keeps them out of the work that provides for paying maintenance.)

I feel that it is VERY selfish and unfair to expect a man to pay for a child that they are not certain of. Yes I know and understand that MANY men run away from their responsibility just because they are pricks (for lack of a better word). But does that mean that we have to punish the one's who want to be there for their children but who also are not certain as to whether or not they are the father's? Does this father NOT have the right to know especially where there is concern for doubt?

If I were in *Samantha's shoes I would definitely give him the paternity test so that he knew once and for all where he stood and so that he could take responsibility. The fact that she is "running away" leaves big room for doubt. And the fact that the law is "protecting and aiding and abiding" her really sickens me to the pit of my stomach.

As woman we should never, ever use our children as weapons to get back at our exes. Crap happens in life and no-one gets married with the intent to divorce, but unfortunately these things happen. Shouldn't we work together as parents for the greater good of our children. Because in spiting their fathers we are actually spiting them.

Mr President can our law please reflect the greater good of all parties concerned because at the end of the day we are dealing with people's lives.

xoxo T

*Not their real names