Preemie Diaries - A letter to you on your first birthday

I'm sitting here a week after your birthday and I have been a total emotional wreck.

I can't believe we made it to a year. I am in awe of you and God's work. I just didn't think we would make it.

All these memories keep popping up on my facebook page. Happy photos of my baby bump. This time the journey was supposed to be different. And yes it was, just not the different I thought it would be.

I am grateful for the journey we have been on. No-one really understands it but us. I have sacrificed alot in this past year but believe me the sacrifices were totally worth it.

I never knew that somebody so tiny could teach me about strength. I mean I always thought I was a strong person but I also knew my strength had limits. The day you were born you showed me that I was stronger than I could ever imagine. And after experiencing prematurity I can face anything.

When you were born I wasn't even wake to see you, to hear you cry for the first time. I only got to meet you 9 hours after your birth. It was super scary. You were so tiny, literally skin and bones. I couldn't fathom how you would ever make it. I was scared. I cried for 4 days straight. I felt like I was going to loose my mind and I couldn't understand why God would do this to me. After everything we had been through why me.

But now I know why. Sometimes we loose sight of what is important in life. We are so busy trying to build the "perfect life" at the cost of everything else. I thought that as a working parent I was being the best parent. But never being present for your kids is not living. For 10 years I worked, I worked hard, but I missed out on so much with your brother.

God needed to give me pause. For 54 days all I did was focus on you. And every day was different. Some days were really good and we could see the end of the tunnel and other days were really bad that I thought we would never make it.

I have to  give credit to your dad. He is a man amongst men. Things weren't always easy between us. But from your conception till now you have changed both of us and made our marriage better. Thank you son.

I have never seen a man more dedicated to his kids than your dad. He would do anything for you and your brother. You had him wrapped around your little finger from the moment he saw you. You guys bonded instantly. And since he was the first one to see you out of the two of us, you have had a special bond.

Dad would go to work every day and come and see you every night. He prayed all the time. He would go to bed at 12 just so that he could phone the hospital to make sure you were ok.

Not many men would do that and hope that you will one day become a great man like him.

I've been hugging and kissing you even more this past week (is that even possible?) because I couldn't see past day one let alone 365 days later.

I wish you all God's greatest blessings son. And I thank you for teaching me so much over this past year. I cannot wait to see what the next year as install for us.

XOXO, Mom.

Preemie Diaries - Cup Feeding

The day the feeding tube is removed is always an awesome day. You know you have graduated to "big baby" status and are one step closer to going home.

I was always under the impression that my baby would breastfed immediately. (I clearly had no notion of how this premmie thing works.) But then I figured my baby would be bottled fed the breast milk. Wrong again.

Imagine my shock when I first saw a baby being cup fed. I kid you not. It is the most amazing sight ever. But it is also very frustrating as well.

The cup feeding is great in teaching baby how to suck, swallow, breathe. But it is so time consuming and frustrating, especially if you have never done it before.

I was lucky in that I got to try breastfeeding when baby reached 1.5kg. So although the feeding tube was still being used, baby was learning how to suck.

You really take for granted how much a term baby can do in comparison to a preemie baby. I mean I had no idea in the beginning that baby would need to learn how to breastfeed. I never knew that my milk would not come in naturally as soon as baby was out. I also never knew how hard pumping and sustaining milk supply would be, because baby was separated from me and because he was not sucking.

So many unknowns. So many new things to learn.

I think the most frustrating thing is pumping. It's all you do, all day and all night. In the beginning I was super frustrated but once I realised that my baby's life depended on getting that breastmilk, momma went into overdrive. I did everything and took everything I could to help my baby. And trust me it was extremely hard work. But we did it. We were one of the luckier ones because not everyone is able to produce milk.

The first time I tried cup feeding I was so scared. I didn't understand how a baby so small would be able to do it. But I sat and watched other babies doing and enjoying it and I just perservered.

When we were discharged I thought that that would be the end of cup feeding but no, in order to administer the vitamins baby needed I still needed to cup feed and also to make sure he was in fact still getting enough milk.

One of my biggest goals was to make sure that baby put on weight as he should be. Measuring every gram gained (and sometimes lost) became part of everyday life.

I don't know who came up with the cup feeding phenom but boy are you a smart someone. And thank you.

I've put up a little video that we took back in our cup feeding days so that you guys can see just how amazing it is.

XOXO, T

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Going Back To Work - Thank You Cat And Nat

So alot of you don't know this but when my baby was born prematurely last year, I decided to stay home to take care of him. It was a very tough decision, but one that has proven to be the best decision I have ever made.

With his first birthday fastly approaching, I have been thinking about getting back into the job market.

But with new youth coming into the job market every year (by the thousands) and also having been out of action for so long, I've always worried about how will I make it work, have I become obsolete?

Technology changes daily and people are re-inventing themselves and honing their skills daily too.

So when I came across this video from these wonderful ladies Cat and Nat I felt like they hit the nail right on the head.

Me being a mom is an attribute, not a liability. And in the past year I have mastered more skills than any person that I know. I have also worked on skills that I wasn't so good at (multi-tasking? Piece of Cake). My memory? (On point. I mean I have a small baby who has to have vitamins administered on time, daily. And my older child has different sports on different days).

I could go on and on but these ladies definitely do it in a more convincing way.

So for all employers out there, I think that you should watch this video and re-think how you see moms. We are actually a financial benefit to your organisation.

And thank you Cat and Nat for saying what a lot of mom's have been wanting to say but just didn't. You girls rock!!!

XOXO, T

*Accreditation: Cat And Nat: Mom Truths Cat And Nat: Mom Truths
*Accreditation:  Cat And Nat

Preemie Diaries - Kangaroo Care

Kangaroo Care is one of the most amazing "inventions" for prem babies, if you ask me.

It's a physical phenomenon that parents get to delight in. As parents of a premature baby there really isn't much you can do to help your baby. You're often at times just a bystander. But when you get to Kangaroo your child, its amazing. Not only are you getting to bond with your little miracle but you are actually helping them to grow by doing it. Isn't that amazing?

The hospital I was in is one that actually has a ward dedicated to Kangaroo Care. You get booked back into hospital and all you get to do is carry your baby skin-to-skin around the clock. And believe you me KMC (Kangaroo Mother Care, as only the moms are allowed to be re-booked to do Kangaroo Care) helps babies put on weight so much quicker.

It's a tedious job. But after all you as parents and the baby have been through, Kangaroo Care seems like a walk in the park.

Some mommies end up staying there for weeks, but because we had already had such a long stay in hospital and were nearly at our "discharge weight" we were only there for 48 hours. But what a tiring 48 hours it was. It's a lot of work keeping your baby comfortable and warm while basically half sitting, half laying. And that's all you do day in and day out. The hospital keeps to its 3 hourly feeds. So every 3 hours you have to get up, change nappies, and feed your baby.

But I was glad I had got to experience it. It was also my first time being "alone" with my tiny baby. Basically I was prepping for when I took little man home. And those 48 hours really helped me. I kinda felt like a pro by the time I was discharged :)

The babies absolutely love it though. Even now, though my boy is 7 months actual (and  4 corrected) he still loves to KMC.

Plus with modern day improvements there are now wraps that you get that are absolutely great for Kangaroo Care (check hubby and I out in our  Noonoopie Wrap that was sponsored by the wonderful ladies at The Baby Box Project ).

I am so blessed that we have made it so far on our Premmie Journey. And to all the other parents out there still going through the journey please sound off in the comments about your experience.

You can also follow my Premmie Connect page on facebook

XOXO, T

**A special thank you for the mom's who shared the pictures of Kangarooing.

Our Youth Have Lost The Plot

Almost a month ago there was total uproar, at a school here in South Africa where students were demanding that their current school uniform pants be changed to a "skinny pants." They actually protested and boycotted classes to prove their point.

I must say as a parent I am disgusted. As an ex student (okay it was some time ago, but still), I cannot believe what is going on.

I mean our education system has come along way. And one of the things about going to school here in South Africa, is the pride in one's school uniform. But more importantly is the fact that many people fought and even died for the right to be able to get a decent education.

And how much is it going to cost to design and make these new "skinny pants?" And since "skinny pants" are not designed to fit all our figures, especially here in Africa where we are known to be more curvier, what then? Is this not discrimination?

The problem with our youth today is that they are too entitled. They feel like they have the right to do anything and everything their heart's desire. I mean for Pete's sake, SKINNY PANTS!!! Do we not have more pressing, important issues to focus on?!!

There are kids out here who have to walk (yes walk, and yes it is still happening in 2017), kilometers to get to school. There are households that are run by kids. There are kids who aren't even afforded the luxury of being able to go to school due to the difficult circumstances that they face at home.

And yet the very people who are soon going to be the adults of this country, who are going to be our leaders and teachers, are the one's who are disrupting learning, in order to make a fashion statement.

It is disgusting and sad. The worst part is these children don't even grasp that their parents have spent alot of money for the current uniform they are wearing. Now they have to spend more money just to apease their kids who clearly do not appreciate the fact that they are fortunate enough to be attending school in the first place!!!!!

The ironic thing is in alot of jobs these days you have to wear a uniform, or at least adhere to a dress code. So what are you guys going to do when you start working? Boycott your job because you don't like the uniform?

We will support you guys, when you actually have something worth supporting. In the meantime, maybe you guys should focus on studying.

xoxo T.

Preemie Diaries - Apne What???

Apnea. I have come to fear that word, and please Lord I hope to never hear it again.

A large number of premmie babies suffer from apneas of prematurity. Due to their brains being so underdeveloped it sometimes forgets to send out the signal that they need to breathe. Yep, you read correctly,your baby (or in this case my baby) would stop breathing, often. Caffeine is administered to help the brain "stay wake."

The first time it happened I didn't quite understand what was going on and of course when they explained it to me I had an emotional breakdown.

When he stopped breathing he would have to be stimulated. So we would rub his chest, tap his feet or lift him up.

I became paranoid. I would literally sit and watch the monitors and stare at his chest, to see if it was going up and down. I remember there was a day when there was a city wide strike in our town. People would not be able to get to work. All major highways were being closed off.

That day I was going to become a "nurse". (Not literally of course) but I had decided that I would stay at the hospital all day and even all night if need be to make sure my child was okay. (Turns out it wasn't necessary as all the nurses and doctors were at work), but in my mind my child's life depended on it.

My child was one of few who actually had a lot of apneas. The highest recorded in a day was 14. That is a scary number if you think about.

The funny thing with apneas is one day they just stop. Well normally by the time the baby reaches full term they should stop. But that doesn't mean that you, as a paren,t are still not wary that your kid might stop breathing. I mean even today, although we have been home for almost 2 months, I still worry that he may stop breathing. I'm always checking on him, I never leave him alone for long periods, (even if he is asleep I'm there watching, making sure.)

I remember the first time he got transferred to the normal ward. God I was petrified. You see in ICU each child has their own personal nurse, there to specifically watch over your child 24/7. In the general ward there are 10 babies to 2 nurses. I was freaked out. I wanted to move into the ward (which unfortunately due to our government facilities is not permitted).

My son did well...for 3 days. On the third day he had an apnea, a major one...and I froze. I literally froze. But luckily I didn't freeze for long and managed to call a nurse. But I was scared, extremely scared. I could've lost my son in that moment. Next minute there were doctors and nurses all over and he was being rushed backed to ICU.

He ended up staying in ICU for another 3 weeks. The second time round when he was transferred to the general ward I was less apprehensive, and believe it or not he never had another apnea again.

To all the parents out there experiencing the same thing at this moment all I can say is I feel your pain. And honestly, with time, it does get better.

XOXO, T.

*Accreditation: Image is from Preemie Support and Awareness
https://www.facebook.com/PreemieSupportandAwareness/

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Proudly South African - Welcome Mshuuka

Hey everyone. Today I'm doing one of my favourite posts, music. But not just any old music, nope. Today we back down south of the equator, in my own homeland, South Africa.

A while back I started the Proudly South African feature. I haven't paid much attention to it but I'm back at it. I mean afterall there's no place like home.

Today I would like to introduce you to Sizwe Mashiyane aka Mshuuka.

MSHUUKA

He recently released his very first single titled: "Noma Yini Bozza Yam" - loosely translated as "Anything Big Homie".

Coming from very humble beginnings, from the streets of Soweto (one of the largest townships in South Africa), Mshuuka always wanted to be an artist. Unfortunately as the age old story of music goes, it has been nothing but a struggle.

You see here down south, unless you are mainstream, there is no making money from music, which is so sad. There is not enough emphasis on up and coming artists and there aren't many places where you can perform to get yourself noticed.

This track has a dope beat and some catchy phrases in it. It has a mixture of languages (as we are a nation with 11 official one's), it caters to a large audience. It has an easy to learn chorus and currently has everyone jamming to this track. I firmly believe that there is nowhere to go from here but up for Mshuuka. He's more than a rap artist, he's a lyricist.

Mshuuka is already making waves down here and has had a featured post on SA Hip Hop Magazine Downloads as well as Zhikipani.co.za Top 3 Underground Artists. He has also been quoted as saying: " I want my name carved in stone and have the stone rolling with the legends."

He has also teamed up with a group of local guys representing the South of Johannesburg (South Africa), to showcase their talents. Their first sampling is AMAZEBALLS!!! You can check out the track from the South Syndicate here South Syndicate - Winning

But hey guys, don't just take my word for it, go and download the track and see for yourself. (See links at the bottom of the post).

Sound off in the comments section to let us know what you think.

XOXO, T.


@mshuuka

https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=mshuuka

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