Ours is definitely not the conventional story. (but that's something we will get into some other time.) I will say that I never ever really involved myself with my husband and his ex. I felt like it was never my place to interfere and that it was his situation to deal with not ours. I never wanted to cross that invisible boundary line. I mean I felt like (at that time) I wouldn't want some other person giving their two cents worth when it came to raising my child, so I just didn't say or do anything.
As I'm sure is true with alot of people who are in the same situation, there is no real right or wrong answer. What works for one family may not work for another.
When I eventually decided to stop being a bystander and get involved, let's just say it has NOT been a pleasant situation to say the least.
But through this on-going process I have learned so much about myself, and learned how (God forbid I should find myself in the same position one day) to behave.
My biggest mistake I made was to not be involved from day one. As a new person coming into a situation, and especially as the new wife, I feel you need to let your presence be known as well as your role. If the ex is a person you can actually talk to you should get together and have an open discussion as to your common goal (the child's welfare). I think once you have established your position in the family dynamic the chances of you moving forward,successfully are much higher.
Alot of time the ex wants to be spiteful. And honestly speaking (in a way at least) I can understand why. I mean you are hurt, your family has been broken up and now there's a new person that has come into the picture and is now living "your " life. But you cannot be bitter forever. Yes we all get married with the intention of it lasting forever, but unfortunately sometimes it just doesn't always work out that way. The quicker you come to face the reality of the situation the sooner you will have peace and harmony in your life.
I have tried on many, many occassions to have decent, adult conversations with the ex, but unfortunately to date she still has not dealt with her anger and loss of the relationship, and I think me involving myself now (so late) has actually made things worse and not better.
But I am a mom and I know that as a mother I only want the best for my child. Regardless if is not what I want but as long as it benefits my child, and teaches my child how to be a better person (afterall we are the first examples in life that out children follow) then I'm down for it.
For now while we still battle everyday to be involved and have a happy, healthy relationship with the child, I just want to let the ex know: I am not a monster. Nor am I the enemy. I, as you, only want what's best for your child.
Sound off in the comments section to let me know how step parenting debacle is going.
Xoxo T
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